I didn't think that I was going to be posting anything today. I didn't have a review to post, and I thought that I would be busier with some things I had to do on my day off. However, I am not as busy as I thought I was going to be.
The name of this blog is "Reflections and Various Thoughts," so today, I just felt like posting about something that I have been thinking about quite a lot lately.
I don't really know what got me thinking about this subject lately, but I have been thinking a lot about the events and decisions in my life that have brought me to the place that I am at today. I guess that maybe I am just not where I want to be right now, and I am trying to figure out where I want my life to go in the second half of my life.
As I look back on my life, I know without a shadow of doubt that the most important thing that ever happened to me was coming to know Jesus as my Savior and Lord. Being a Christian has been, and is, the central focus of my life. Everything else in life centers around knowing Jesus and trying to follow Him. Life would not make sense to me without Jesus in my life.
Now, this might seem strange in light of what I just said, but something that has affected my life in a very negative way is the church in which I was raised. Growing up in a very, very fundamentalist version of Christianity has left me with a lot of mental scars let's say. I became so depressed attending this church and the school associated with it that I didn't want to live anymore.
Thankfully, about this time, the Lord brought into my life a relationship that has been another major event that has shaped my life all and only for the good. The Lord allowed me to find Toby to be my friend. Our relationship and our being together allowed me to get through many, many hard times. I will never ever forget what he meant and what he still means to me. That's why I write about him so much. And I will in the future as well.
I also was shaped in my life by the fact that I went on a quest to find out about who Jesus really is and what He really said. I read almost every book that I could find about Jesus and the doctrine of Christology. I learned about a Jesus much different than the one I was introduced to as a young man.
When I was younger, I felt that the Lord called me to be a minister of the Gospel. I was still involved in the fundamentalism of my youth, and I started attending a Bible college affiliated with our church. I went through the course, but by this time, I was questioning many things. I was not allowed to become a minister in the church because I was considered by them to be too liberal.
What I should have done right then, in my opinion, is I should have just started an independent church and started my own ministry. I felt the Lord calling me to start a church, but I didn't do it. I believe this was one of the big mistakes in my life. I should have taken Toby with me and started a ministry in an area without many good churches. One other thing I could have done was to get involved in a church that wasn't extreme like the church I'd been a part of. However, for a long period, I was just disgusted with organized religion, and I just worshiped Jesus in my own way.
Instead, I went to a regular college and obtained a degree in history. I also took coursework in writing, and I became a writer. Being a writer had been very important to me. In my heart, I consider myself to be a writer no matter what else I find myself doing. Even though I have not yet become a pastor of a church, writing has afforded me many ministry opportunities including writing sermons to post here on this blog. In writing, I have been able to have over 75 poems published as well as articles, short stories and essays.
There have been three other things in my life that have brought me to where I am today. I am a committed environmentalist mainly due to the fact that just by chance I read a book called "Tiger Portrait of a Predator" by Valmik Thaper. This book started me on the path to caring about the natural world.
Finding the Jazz radio station in my town also made a big difference in my life. I can't even imagine my life without music and Jazz in particular. I listen to Jazz everyday.
Losing my parents, and my subsequent financial downfall, also have brought me to the place that I am at today. My parents were a major part of my life. I miss them everyday.
It is interesting to me to look at the path my life has taken. All those years ago now when I was in high school, I never thought that when I was in middle age that I would be working for an insurance company. This is not what I want to be doing.
I am making serious plans to get my life back to where it needed to be a long, long time ago. I know that God has called me to serve Him in a greater way. I want to make that a reality soon. Please pray with me that with God's help, I will find the way.
I want to say this to anyone who is reading this post. Do not neglect to do what you feel in your heart Jesus is calling you to do. Don't let others hinder you. Don't let circumstances cause you to waste away the years. Follow those things that the Lord has placed upon your heart.
I will be posting again on Friday. We will start a new series of messages that I will write more about then. I just had some things I wanted to get out of me through writing. Have a great day.
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