I am here again on a Sunday afternoon posting. I don't know if I will do this on a regular basis, but I've found that in the last few weeks I've had some things that I wanted to say. Last week, I posted about the dog that my Dad loved more than he loved any other dog. Quincy meant the world to my Dad.
I've been thinking lately about what Toby and I would be doing if he were still living. I know that my life would be different than it is now if he were still on this earth. If Toby would have still been living when my folks passed away, I know that the two of us would have just taken off and traveled around the country. I also know that I wouldn't be as nervous and worried about the daily occurences of life like I am now. I was never afraid when he was around because I knew I had a friend.
There is one thing I wanted to do and didn't do that I really regret. When I was a younger man, I graduated from a Bible college approved by the church my family went to. After graduation, I was going to join the missions organization operated by the church's pastor. This missions group sent pastors to churches in rural areas of the U.S. where the people might not be able to support a pastor on their own. However, the church my family was in didn't really care much for my views of the Bible or politics especially. The church would not approve me for ministry because I was a member of the Democratic Party and I was not married. I kid you not. These were the reasons.
What does this have to do about Toby you might be asking? Well, it was always my dream for the two of us to go out to a church and live in the parsonage together. It would be like two good friends off on an adventure. This didn't happen. I left right-wing churches after this, and I didn't really get back on track for the ministry for several years.
I wish that I would have just gone and started a church in the inner city somewhere were no one else wanted to go. I would have taken Toby with me, and I believe that I could have had a good ministry. I got side-tracked from what I believe God wanted me to do.
Eventually, after going back to school and studying history and philosophy, I started working as writer. I am very thankful that the Lord allowed me to use my writing as a means of ministering the Gospel.
One of my first publications as a writer was a sermon in a magazine with a worldwide distribution. I have since been published in this particular magazine several times. I am also grateful that the Lord has used me to minister on this blog. I have ministered in a different way than I thought I would.
Toby was still alive when I started writing. While I worked on writing at the computer in my room, Toby would lay down at the end of the bed and wait for me to get done for the day. He always wanted to be where I was. He kept a constant eye on me.
I remember that I was so excited when I got my publication in the religious magazine that I let out a shout. Toby started barking and running around the room.
So, in a way, I guess Toby was with me as I began my ministry. It just wasn't the way I thought it would be.
Lately, I've been thinking about my life and how it has gone so far. I've had some writing success. I've been able to minister through writing. I've had over seventy poems published along with short stories and essays. I've done quite a bit of travel writing and writing for business clients. That's nice.
I've just finished a job working as a postmaster relief officer with the United States Postal Service. That job was a real headache. Now I am working as a scheduler in an office.
I'm not getting any younger, and I've come to realize that my life is not what I want it to be and it's not what I planned it to be. While the Lord has given me opportunities to serve Him, I know that He called me at an early point in my life to do more for Him. I feel that I've let Jesus down, my parents down, Toby down and myself down. I want to do something about it.
I can't go into all of the details right now, but I am planning with the Lord's help to go into the ministry in the way He called me when I was a younger man. It will involve selling most all of my possessions, selling my house, and getting out of debt. It won't be an easy undertaking, but I really feel like it is something that I have to do. My life won't be what it is supposed to be unless I do it.
I would ask that those of you who read the blog would please pray for me that I can do what Jesus is calling me to do. I want to start a church in an under-served part of the U.S. or I want to be a self-funded missionary in a nation with few Christians.
Since Toby is in Heaven now, I won't have a corgi to travel with me. I am confident that he will be with me in spirit.
I will write more on this in the days to come.
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