Last night, I was thinking some more about the fact that everything that I have comes from the gracious hand of the Lord Jesus. Sometimes, I really get depressed thinking about my finances and some other things. I often feel that life hasn't gone the way that I wanted it to at all. However, I believe that the Lord showed me something different last night and early this morning.
Because of God's goodness and graciousness, I can truly say upon reflection that God has allowed me to accomplish what I set out to do in life. It just has happened, in some instances, differently than I expected. I'll give you some examples.
One of my dreams as a young boy was to have a great dog. My parents raised collies and pugs and took them to dog shows. This may seem strange to people that haven't been in the dog show world, but I always wanted a dog that placed in group. My Mom had a collie that actually won a best in show, but I didn't have a group placer of my own. I didn't show collies or pugs. I had a Rottweiler and two Dobermans.
Besides having a group placing dog, what I really wanted was what I call a lifetime dog. This is a dog like my Dad's dog Quincy I told you about a few weeks ago. I wanted a special dog that was a once in a lifetime friend.
By the grace of the Lord Jesus, I received both of these dreams in one package. My friend Toby who the Lord gave me to be my friend was not just my lifetime dog, he had actually won second place once in the Herding Group. The Lord gave me the desire of my heart in this case. Only the Lord could have brought the two of us together. If you would like to read more about my friend Toby, I posted all of the chapters of my book about him here on the blog about a year ago.
Another dream that I had was to be able to be involved in music. I wanted to play an instrument and be in a choir. I am grateful to the Lord for allowing me to do both. I was able to learn the trumpet and tin whistle. The Lord allowed me to play the trumpet in church and to play the classical, jazz and worship music that I love. I was also able to sing in the choir in two churches. Jesus also allowed me to sing in the choir while I was in college.
I have been very depressed over the last several days about how, in my opinion, I failed to follow Jesus' call in my life to be a minister of the Gospel. At a young age, I felt called to be a minister of the love of Jesus. Due to a vast variety of circumstances, I never entered the ordained ministry. Yet, I should add. This has really hurt me of late. But the Lord Jesus spoke to my heart this morning and revealed to me that He is not displeased with how I have tried to serve Him. Not in an audible voice, but in my spirit, the Lord spoke to me concerning the fact that I have been able to minster for Him in several ways. He allowed me to do extensive evangelism ministry in the church. Through my writing, I have been able to reach people around the world. And, I hope that I am reaching people here on this blog. I am trying to be a God minister of the love of Jesus through the sermons and other writings.
Also, the Lord has allowed my dreams to come true in writing. When I first started writing, I didn't think that it would go very far. I have accomplished more with the Lord's help than I ever thought that I would. By allowing me to be a writer, the Lord also provided the means so that I could be around the house to take care of my parents when they had such serious health issues and needed around the clock assistance.
So, I guess my life hasn't been that bad. My finances are terrible. That hasn't changed, but I feel that the Lord is working even now to help me out of this wilderness of life.
I am not sure what the future holds for sure, but right now, I believe that Jesus is calling me to take a bold step. I will see if it is the Lord or just my own mind as the process unfolds. To get out of debt and become a missionary, I feel that the Lord is leading me to sell my house and pay off what I owe. I will also try to sell most of my possessions except for my pictures and my dog mementos and personal items that have special meaning. Hopefully, this will provide the money to pay off what I owe and give me enough to start either an inner-city ministry, a larger Internet ministry or let me be a missionary overseas for at least a period of one or two years. I am really serious about this, and I hope that you all will pray for me over the next two to three months as I attempt to execute this plan with the Lord's help.
In the meantime, I will continue working my new job and try to find some extra work. I will continue my writing projects and I will keep writing on the blog. With the Lord's aid, I will attempt to hold depression at bay and keep going.
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